Tips to deal with a stubborn child

Firstly it would be useful to know why some kids are stubborn. Children are stubborn as they want to develop defense mechanisms to psychological balance in the face of life challenges that is as a result of the experiences they pass through earlier in their lives.  Some other  children become stubborn due to the over protective attitude of parents that makes them decide everything for the child; the child builds a defense mechanism that helps him/her to stick to one’s opinion. True, all stubborn children are the product of our controlling and over protective behavior.

Realize that being stubborn is not bad. Dr. Kenneth Ginsburg, a Philadelphia pediatrician and author of "Letting Go with Love and Confidence," says that "Independence is good"; we as parents surely want our children to ultimately be able to question authority and come up with a great solution. Being stubborn at 30 is good, but at 5 it is troublesome for parents and we want cooperation and respect.

Tips to deal with a stubborn child:

Since a stubborn child feels he/she should protect oneself and not be controlled by others, it is extremely important that parents make the child feel that he/she is in control even if he/she is not. Stubborn behavior can be tackled by parents when they set a fine and clear line between being strict and being too permissive and leave some leeway.

If your stubborn child starts a conflict, just step back and figure out if you really want to fight; your job is not only to set limits and boundaries that keep your child safe, but also to ensure he/she feels somewhat independent.

True having clear consistency around safety is essential so you can react in a way that is expected and appropriate. You should convey to your child that you love, trust and enjoy him/her and allow one freedom, but not at the expense of safety.

 The most intelligent way to deal with a stubborn child is not to give direct orders but give him/her 2 options that lead to the same goal. For example instead of telling the stubborn kid that he must wear his shirt, you can ask him whether he wants to wear the blue or the red shirt. Remember that it would be enough to not trigger his/her  stubbornness as he/she will feel in control and the parent also fulfills his/her final goal.

Pick a new focus by not complaining to others about your stubborn kid; let them overhear the good stuff and vent in private. Give attention to the behavior you wish to see in them, then you will help them to be their best.

Try new approaches; what worked last week may not this week. The trick is to redirect your kid when they are good and not give too much negative attention that will give him/her some control.

Boundaries are about safety and respect with other human beings, your kids need resilience to be able to advocate for them when they are teens and adults. With practice they can learn how to get their point across in a way that shows respect for others so they will be listened to as well.

Lastly channelize your kid’s stubbornness into persistence for facing life’s problems. A stubborn child can become a very persistent adult if he was taught how to channel his stubbornness in the right direction.

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