How To Parent An Aggressive Kid

We met for a pot lunch party on Sunday that happened to be Raksha Bandhan also. We got to discussing siblings and finally came to our favorite topic, the challenges of parenting. Most parents felt that one of the greatest challenges was that of raising an aggressive child, where parents found it most difficult to teach children of any age in a calm, loving and safe way how to act so he/she does not harm oneself and others.

A few points that parents discussed about aggressiveness in children:

An aggressive behavior in children could start at an early age, with a child beating his/her mother or father when he/she does not come to play; you could also find children grabbing toys from others, kicking them or even screaming. The main causes of aggressiveness could be fear, frustration, feelings of being neglected or simple retaliation. Other reasons could be simply feeling tired or hungry or even negative attention seeking in a child.

Most parents found that it was wrong to encourage young children to even hit anyone just in a playful mood; if he/she does it just to seek attention when you as a parent are busy, it would help to give a few minutes and then explain your problem to him/her. Children generally understood.

Most parents were also worried about the consequences of aggressiveness in children; children felt unsafe when out of control and they could harm themselves and other children unless an adult took care of the situation in a calm and effective way.

We thought it was proper to discuss various ways by which we could deal with aggressiveness in our children. Most parents found that it was best to watch out for triggers that caused this behavior; this involved checking on the TV programs that a child watched, games he played and the company of friends he/she kept.

Next, most parents felt that it was very important to watch out how we behaved as a reaction to the aggressive behavior; it was futile to yell and scream or spank the child. Also the pitch of our voice is very important while speaking to the child even when you are angry or disturbed. Being role models for our children our calm and positive attitude would help create this attitude in the child also.

Next most parents felt that it was best to discuss appropriate and inappropriate behavior with the child in a calm way; most important of all it was appropriate to praise the good behavior of the child and when he/she attempts to improve oneself. Most importantly it was essential to make sure the child gets proper attention, love and care. Encouraging your child to come out with ones problems and listening empathically would help.

We found our discussions very productive and wondered how our parents brought us and our siblings up so smoothly; it was a blessing for us to have such cordial relationships with them. I thank my parents for it.