13 Tips To Be A Good Step Mother

It was just the other day that I was talking to my friend who was a step-mother of 3 children and the mother of 2; she revealed to me everything she had learnt being a stepmother and requested me to pass on tips to other stepmothers who may need them.

Tips to be a good step mother:

1) Your step children may not instantly take to you because they view you as an obvious symbol of dashed hopes; give them time to warm up.

 

2) Never put your spouse in a tangle by competing for your husband’s love; he loves you as much as he loves his children. Also realize that your husband has to balance many roles and needs your love and support; avoid being critical and manipulative.

3) If you cannot open your mind to his children never marry him. It would help to give your step-children and you enough time to get to know each other better before marriage. 

4) You and your spouse need to regularly communicate to set up family rules- there can be no separate daddy and step mother rules. Also you should spend quality time just with your husband and not feel guilty of neglecting the kids.

5) Have an open heart and mind to cultivate consistency and build trust in children. This also implies that if you and your husband have children, you should treat all your children equally and justly. Accept all children are a part of both your husband and your life.

6) Understand very clearly that you are an adult and so if they as children make things difficult for you, just rise above it all.

7) You could feel insecure and left out when your husband and children share special moments they have had without you; communicate these insecurities to your spouse and he could help you become more a part of things.

8) It would help to be nice to your husband’s ex-wife. Also avoid saying anything disparaging about the children’s mother as they may feel bad hearing it from you or anyone else. Also avoid discussing issues like child support, custody issues, or legal issues in front of the kids.

9) It is your right to be treated with respect by not only your spouse, but your children also; your spouse needs to implement it in his children. Also never berate your spouse in front his and your biological children; they need to have a good impression of both father and mother.

10) Regardless of biology discuss all things with your spouse and kids and behave as one family. Celebrate all shared holidays and birthdays as everyone in the family deserves it.

11) It is not important to note that your step children need not call you mom to share a good parent-child relationship. Also remember to care, love and give your children attention; they are sure to respond in a positive way. 

12) Your husband’s ex-wife does not become a better mother just because she gave birth to children; children will only learn that over time, and when you let them. Be a good mother by being there for all your children in their good and bad times to soothe, encourage and praise them.

13) Divorce is a life-altering moment for most children, and they may have their own fears and insecurities; be ready to talk to them if you want, reassure them and help them work through their feelings. Also be prepared for tumultuous times when your husband’s children will push you and test you; just be firm and remember they are trying to find their way through an awkward situation they never asked for.

My friend concluded that a true mother is one that considers both her kids and her step kids as her own birth kids.